Women in Patriarchy

I work with women who come from patriarchal societies. These are women who want to claim their individuality while building a life of freedom, independence and confidence. These are women who are both impacted by the cultural norms of patriarchy and also questioning it. These are women who are in transition.

One adaptive strategy of women coming from patriarchal societies is to make themselves invisible. Small. The systems and structures around them are telling them they don't have a chance. I work with women who want to rise up, claim their space and become visible. These are women who want to assert healthy boundaries, learn to say 'No!' and start making their own decisions. They are questioning and exploring who they are beyond the messages and roles they have received from society. This is the generation of women who are saying 'I do have a choice, and I am not stuck in it!

Is this for you? See a sampling of what some women have approached me with - if you recognize yourself or if these resonate with you, I’d love to hear from you.

Client names and identifying information have been changed to protect privacy.

Identity and Purpose

Devika (name changed) from India grew up seeing her mother struggle with low self-confidence and a lack of financial independence. Her mother perpetually lost herself in the quest of taking care of everyone around her. Wanting to change her fate, Devika became a hyper-achiever at school and in her career. While she found professional success, she struggled to put her guards down, to take time for herself and care for her own needs.

Mehreen (name changed) from Pakistan mentioned that expressing her own thoughts or feelings often led to negative consequences, such as being scolded, blamed, or punished. As a survival strategy, she learned to suppress her opinions and simply accept the views of others. While this approach helped her navigate childhood challenges, it now hinders her ability to express her needs, assert herself, and trust her own judgment as an adult.

Some probing questions that can reveal if this is stirring in you:

  • Do you feel guilty when you slow down and take care of yourself? Is 'Doing Nothing not OK'?

  • Did you ever feel burdened by the expectations of others, particularly those within your family? Did it seem like your personal desires and feelings were often overlooked in favor of decisions made by men or women influenced by traditional gender roles?

  • Do you often find yourself saying 'I don't know' when asked about your feelings or desires?

  • Would you like to explore 'Who you are and what do you authentically want?'

  • Do you find it challenging to say 'NO' because of past experiences that rewarded obedience?

  • Do you see patterns of seeking approval or validation from others, particularly men?

  • Did you grow up seeing men being considered superior to women? Do you lack the self-confidence to do things on your own?

  • Are you eager to live a life of equality and respect?

  • Are you looking to take small steps to build individuality and confidence in day-to-day decision-making?

Burden of comparisons and societal pressure

Astha (name changed) from Nepal said “I was not that good at studies and I was compared to my best friend from childhood for 15 years. Now that I am an adult, my comparisons are with my husband and it is done by my relatives, friends and family. I hate being compared with others. It is triggering and painful.”

The systems we grow up in have a tremendous impact on us. They have a gripping power to keep things where they are.

Some probing questions that can reveal if this is stirring in you:

  • Did you grow up in a culture or environment where people, including family and friends, often made comments about your appearance and accomplishments, or compared you to others in a way that was hurtful or discouraging?

  • Did people around you give a lot of unsolicited advice on how you should live your life based on societal expectations? Has this taken away your confidence and built-up hurt, anger and a nagging feeling of not being good enough?

  • Do you easily and deeply get impacted by what others think of you?

  • Do you feel inferior to those in front of you? Are you suffering from a brain hard-wired to what is considered rewarding in the eyes of society (marriage, children and obedience)?

  • Have the comparisons and unsolicited advice gradually chipped away your self-confidence and led to keeping to yourself? Perhaps you don't want to be seen anymore, public places make you anxious and you fear others are constantly judging you (even when they are not).

Redefining Love and Relationships

Rashmi (name changed) from India said "I am 29 yrs old and my mother says I need to lower my standards and compromise on what I want in a husband, or else I will never be married! I wonder if I have really set such high standards?”

Shehnaz (name changed) from Pakistan said “A marriage proposal came today, they were judging our home and by the looks of it, I don't think that women liked me very much.”

  • Is the fear of being alone and not finding ‘the guy' consuming you?

  • Have you stopped living your life in the quest of finding a husband? Have you ever wondered who you are beyond the longing for a husband? 

  • Do you associate your self-worth with whether or not you are married by a certain age? 

  • Have you been asked to lower your standards on what you want in a man, or else you will remain alone? Does that make you feel dejected and also doubtful of your own wants?

  • Are you keen on exploring what you want in a relationship? 

  • Is your self-worth connected to getting approval from the guy's family? 

  • Are you shying away from love because of the unequal and abusive relationships you have seen around you?

Other topics we can explore together

Do you find that some aspects of your patriarchal upbringing hold you back in your adult life, even though you now live in a non-patriarchal context… in your relationship or career?

Pricing

I believe this work is very important and I have chosen this calling for myself. This is the impact I want to leave in the world. This comes with a full understanding that the clients I have chosen 'Women in Patriarchy' often have very limited access to finances. I’m motivated by seeing the impact my work has on women I support and their communities.

I also don't believe in getting things for free, I believe that my clients should compensate for the work that I do based on what is appropriate for their context. It may not be much but I know it is a lot for them.

My clients in Sweden pay me 160 euro per session. I know that amount can be prohibitive for Women in Patriarchy, therefore I am offering these coaching series as a 'Pay what you can' basis. I don't want money to be an obstacle for anyone with whom good impact could be reached. You can apply here.

What to expect?

If selected, conversation starts on a 45 mins free exploratory call, with no commitments. This is for both of us to get to know each other, talk about coaching goals, see how the chemistry works, and decide on next steps.

Successful coaching often takes time and multiple sessions to develop trust, rapport, and achieve goals. Usually, a successful coaching arc requires a commitment of  6-10 sessions.